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Guitar Hero or Guitar Villain? |
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Written by Captain Obvious
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Thursday, 03 July 2008 |
Hey guys, Captain Obvious here, and I want to report to you the greatest threat to the Super Hero community since Marvel allowed Ang Lee to direct "The Hulk". It's the Guitar Villain. Thosuands of Super Heroes are neglecting their duties and picking up the plastic ax to shred such tunes as Metallica's "One" or Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and the Flames." Crime has risen dramatically and who knows how far this might go? What if Super Heroes form their own rockbands?
Egads! That would be more diabolical than the Joker, Galactus, Lex Luther, and Dr. Doom combined! Think about it, while bands were on tour, criminals would know when to strike, robbing and killing alike, while others ply for world domination. I'll tell you another thing, Captain America wasn't killed by a sniper. He died from exhaustion while attempting to make a perfect score on "Raining Blood" by Slayer on expert mode. The truth is that even super heroes want to be rock gods, but it's hard to find time to pick up lessons when you are facing the Legion of Doom or The Brotherhood of Mutants on a daily basis. Maybe if we superheores fight back and make up our own version of the guitar, say "Trombone Tyrannnical", or "Oboe Oppressor", that might just do the trick. I'm on it! -Until next timeCaptain Obvious |
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Last Updated ( Thursday, 03 July 2008 )
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Companies Consider Human Hamster Wheels To Save Energy |
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Written by Professor Hu Flung Poo
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Monday, 30 June 2008 |
 Corporate insiders say some companies are considering the use of human sized hamster wheels to cut down energy costs.
"It makes so much sense, says Guy Dela Fuge, a 47 year old field consultant. "Rising fuel prices are hurting everyone, including big business. An average employee running for just 15 minutes a day could keep power going at his cubicle for eights hours or more at a time." Ronald J. Smithers, owner of Smither's Sandbox Showcase, couldn't agree more. "My employees are always demanding more perks, such as excercise equipment, and now they can have it, and can keep manufacturing sandboxes at a fraction of the cost!" Smithers revealed his prototype , a giant hanster wheel complete with food pellets and hanging water bottles. "To get the H.R. dpeartment to approve this, we are calling them 'Wellness Chambers', and the food and water dispensers will be called 'Energy Enhancers'." No word yet as to when the first Wellness Chambers will be hitting the market, but some say it could be as eary as Spring of 2009. |
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Last Updated ( Monday, 30 June 2008 )
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